Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
