Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
