i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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