Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
