People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
