My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
