new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
