im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
