remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
