And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
