And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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