I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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