WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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