i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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