I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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