I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
