You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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