1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
