you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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