I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize