her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize