It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
