Got a toothbrush?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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