Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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