We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
