Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There r osticjed everywhere
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
