Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
did i just pee glitter
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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