Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
