What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
