Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
