oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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