Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
