I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
