im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
