i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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