I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
