I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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