i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
