Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
