He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
