he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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