Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am available for nakedness
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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