vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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