Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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