What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
