Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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