If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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