Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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