He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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