New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i came on her dog
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
