you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
