fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
