I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
