Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
