I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
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