So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
