that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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