Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
