I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
