i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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