Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
