Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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