He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
last night I used snow as a chaser
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
