too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
