Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
