playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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