Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
