So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
