I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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