Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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