They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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